So I'm going to get lasered

I've made the appointment. June 20th is the big day. Silverstein Eye Centers is going to perform lasik surgery on me. I'm going to have both eyes done the same, instead of the weird one eye farsighted one eye nearsighted thing that most people get. I tried that arrangement with contacts and ended up wanted to run around in circles. Not to mention the headaches. So both eyes will be just like they are right now when I'm wearing contacts. Only one problem. At 41 years of age I've reached the stage that apparently most people get. The inability of my eyes to refocus on things close up. Yep. It's bifocal time. Up until now I've compensated. When I'm wearing my fashionably skinny glasses I just look under the lenses to read, or over the lenses to see someone's face clearly. When I'm wearing my contacts I usually have Nicole with me to do things like tell me the amount of the restaurant check or what the fine print on the menu says. After next Friday, looking out from under my glasses will no longer be an option. It's time for the dreaded reading glasses. Yep. I'm about to become "that guy." Do I get the ones that can be carried in a discrete pocket case, or do I just break down and wear them on a string around my neck? Or... Maybe I'll get a monocle! Then I can walk around shaking my fist and saying "Hoogaaaaannnn!" in my best Colonel Klink voice.

I'm just plain mad

I'm too mad to write anything on thekansascitypost.com. I try to keep the level of discussion fairly high over there. Here? Not so much. My Town, My Take is more like my scratch pad with which all two readers (myself being one of them) can keep track of my mental detritus. By now, anybody with an internet connection has at least read some of the lawsuit filed against Mark Funkhouser and Gloria Squitiro. I know in law, as in life the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. Perhaps not every claim in Plaintiff Ruth Bates' pleading is accurate, but I doubt the entire document is a complete fabrication either. The document does read like the complaints of a disgruntled employee and I'm reasonably sure that had Ms. Bates compensation been on par with the rest of the staff she would still be overlooking off-color remarks and the general lack of class displayed by our city's most prominent volunteer. I do however tend to believe the general theme of the document. One need only look at samples of Ms. Squitiro's writing to see her sense of humor is somewhat "earthy." Between holiday letters describing the mayor's prostate exam and innuendo about their sex life, to weekly missives blaming every mayoral misstep on bloggers or the media, it's easy to see a pattern of inappropriate behavior for a public figure. Another clue about the veracity of Ms. Bates' complaint is the attorney representing her and the manner in which the complaint was filed. Instead of holding a press conference, standing on the courthouse steps with a teary-eyed client exclaiming outrage and righteous indignation, Lynn Bratcher chose to file the documents over the lunch hour and slip quietly back to her office. Quiet confidence perhaps? A quick Google search reveals Ms. Bratcher is no rookie when it comes to employee discrimination cases so I think it's safe to assume she thinks she has a winner. So why am I mad? I'm sick of Kansas City being the punch line to every joke. The only national attention we get these days is from inappropriate holiday letters and now no doubt a sensational lawsuit that makes our Mayor's office sound more like a fraternity house about to lose its charter than a center of governmental excellence. Oh, and by the way. The answer to last week's trivia question? "The Little Twinkler."

KC Trivia: The Kansas City Star

Shortly after it began publishing in 1880, what became the nickname of The Kansas City Star?

They're going to use a "laser" on my eyes!

Listening to sports radio a few weeks ago I heard a promotion for Silverstein Eye Center and how they were having a contest in partnership with Sports Radio 810 and the winner would receive free lasik surgery. They gave the website to go to and since I had my laptop on my lap of all places I went to the site and entered. I've been thinking about eye surgery for a long time. The problem is I'm a big fraidy cat when it comes to cutting my eyeballs and burning them with lasers. I figured when I entered the contest I would let fate decide. After all, what were the chances I would win a contest for a prize worth four thousand dollars? I noted the winner would be announced May 10th which was when I would be on a Midwest Air flight to Florida. I gave all my information and then quickly forgot about it. I thought even if I did win they wouldn't be able to reach me and would probably give the prize to someone else. Well, wouldn't you know it, I won! Free lasik surgery. I called to make sure this wasn't one of those deals where everyone "wins" and then they try to upcharge you to a "better" surgery. I was assured that wasn't the case and I was the only winner. I said I must be the most hesitant, mixed-emotions contest winner ever. So now what? I managed to come up with excuses not to call and schedule yesterday. A week's worth of work email does tend to occupy your day. But today? In the time it took to write this post I could have made the phone call. Looks like I'm stuck.

Tanned and rested. Ready? Not so much...

Both this blog and thekansascitypost.com went silent last week. That's because I was on vacation on beautiful little Captiva Island off the gulf coast of Florida. No sight-seeing. No bicycle rides through the nature preserve. Just a lot of laying around. Laying around the pool. Laying around the beach. Laying around the hotel room. As Peter said in the movie Office Space, "I did nothing, and it was everything I dreamed it would be."

Stump the chumps

I'm a sports fan. I love the fact that I have two sports radio stations to choose from when I'm driving around town (which is rare because I work from home). Fridays on 810 is my favorite. Stump The Chumps. Pete Enich is a sports history freak of nature. I've heard him argue down an obstinate caller claiming they have the web page right in front of them that proves so-and-so started the whatever game in 1967. Pete can invariably come back with "I don't care what your website says, I was at the game." Today's trivia question is sports in honor of the 810 gang. In the 1970's what Royals pitcher would enter the game with John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" blasting over the stadium PA? And by the way, I know this because I was usually "at the game."

One of the best paragraphs on KC politics I've ever read

Tony Botello over at tonyskansascity.com wrote a piece about the mayor running afoul of the very powerful firefighters union. AKA Taxpayers Anonymous Correction: Taxpayers Unlimited. Here's the money quote: People who don't know much about Kansas City politics might not understand that this town isn't ruled by Democracy per se, instead local government is mostly elected by a series of special interest groups and voting blocs led by people who do the thinking for their constituents in much the same way that Oprah and Fox News do the vast majority of the mental heavy lifting when it comes to their massive audiences. [Source] That pretty much nails it. There's no such thing as the citizen activist making it to City Hall for the good of the people anymore. You have to "pay your dues" by navigating the insular club of Jackson County Dems. Fail to lock up the unions and their considerable financial clout and you're done. You have to get the Citizens Association, it helps to line up the Womens Political Caucus and don't forget the Four Freedoms Democratic Club. These were lessons I learned the hard way. I foolishly thought that a grass roots effort, coupled with a sound internet strategy could overcome the six figure budgets and multiple snail mail pieces that bombard people's mailboxes. I was wrong of course. Very, very wrong! The sad state of affairs is this is how our local government is made. I will grudgingly concede the possibility that maybe I lost simply because I wasn't the best candidate for the job. Even if that was the case, it makes me wonder. If all things were equal. If an in-district city council race was limited to a budget of $10,000 and a maximum of two mailings, what would the makeup of our city council look like? Would it be vastly different? Would it be filled with fresh-faced newcomers who have yet to be jaded by the Jackson County political machine? It does make you wonder... Will the cycle ever be broken? Oh, and by the way. The answer to yesterday's trivia question? The Sears Automotive Center. Thanks for playing.