Bravo Network is killing me

Nicole loves Top Chef, or whatever the hell it's called. It's a reality show on Bravo Network about a bunch of chefs competing to win some damn something or other. All I know is I rarely think anything they come up with sounds the least bit appetizing. It's always some reduction sauce with a French name made from pomegranate or blood oranges poured over risotto and organic lentils or some other nonsense. And what's the deal with leaving the head on the fish or the shell on the crawfish? When I eat out I figure I'm paying for someone else to do the prep work, not leave me trying to negotiate an exoskeleton with a butter knife and whatever MacGiver-like contraption I can manage to assemble from things I find on the table. Oh yeah. And Bravo Network? Yes I understand that Paula Abdul has a new reality show. You remind me every commercial break. Yes I'm aware she had a hit in the 80's called "Straight Up" because you play the same damn promo, with the same damn opening notes and the same damn clips of Paula calling herself a "warrior" over and over and over again. And finally, since I'm in a ranting mood today. Would SOMEBODY please tell Kentucky Fried Chicken that Sweet Home ALABAMA makes no sense as their jingle? And even if it was Sweet Home Kentucky it still would become annoying after oh I don't know, the first 10,000 times I have to hear it? Oh, and one more thing. Paul McCartney? Your new song sucks. Yes it's very cute that you're playing a mandolin strung upside down but your song still sucks. Do you have Jack White writing your lyrics? I hear he's been thinkin bout his doorbell, thinkin bout his doorbell, thinkin bout his doorbell. When ya gonna ring it? Please Paul. Ring Jack's doorbell but make sure the smell of natural gas is strong in the air before you do. There. I'm done now. That is all. As you were.

A better use for a free Honda

Tiffany Springs Honda was offering the use of a Honda Accord Hybrid for every year the mayor is in office. Since the mayor will not be accepting this generous gift and we know that Tiffany Springs Honda was only making the offer out of a generous sense of civic responsibility, I recommend the following. I think Tiffany Springs Honda should donate the use of that car to a worthy organization for every year that Mark Funkhouser remains in office. I'm sure there are charitable organizations like Meals On Wheels that would gladly put that vehicle to good use in the community. So how about it Tiffany Springs Honda?

Mayor to citizens: I have the ability to change my mind

Short, sweet and to the point. I am so glad the mayor has changed his mind about the free car. I know there are a lot of grass roots supporters breathing easier today. I was hoping for something positive to come out of the 29th floor so I could write something good about our government. It's a pleasant surprise to be able to compliment Mayor Funkhouser on his ability to change his mind. Thank you Mark for taking this issue off the table. Gosh I guess there's nothing left to do now but close up shop and go home. There's so little left to be done. Maybe some minor stuff like sewers, streets, light rail, economic development, taxes, pollution... But nothing real difficult! Thanks again Mark. News from the Mayor's Office City of Kansas City, Mo. www.kcmo.org CONTACT: Joe Miller, Director of Communications, (816) 513-3508 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: June 19, 2007 Mayor Mark Funkhouser to decline offer of free car Mayor Mark Funkhouser announced today that he will not accept the free use of a Honda Civic hybrid car from Honda of Tiffany Springs. The dealership offered the Mayor free use of the car for the length of his term in office. The Mayor also announced that City staff has negotiated an agreement to cancel the two-year lease of a Lincoln Town Car from Northtowne Lincoln-Mercury. The City will pay $5,647.04 to cancel the remainder of the lease. This is in addition to $1,447.90 in monthly payments already made by the City. The car will be returned to the dealership this week.

Blogger Bits and Bytes: Death's Door has a few questions

Greg Beck over at Death's Door was lamenting to me a few weeks ago that he feels like his writing has become stale. I think that happens to everyone now and then. I also think with today's post he's broken out of his self-perceived slump with one swing of the bat. Ever wonder about the logistics of setting up an evil lair? I don't think even the City of Kansas City has zoning for that and our zoning laws are huge! My favorite line. "And don’t even mention the ruckus you raised when you decided to stick lasers on cats and you found out that cats are basically untrainable. The city’s still on your ass over that little &@*^ up." Ring the bell and step through Death's Door but leave your delicate sensitivities on the porch. Greg has been known to drop an occasional F-bomb in his posts!

So Long Suckers!

My ship has finally come in. I can't believe how lucky I am! I received this email over the weekend. I think all I have to do is provide my Social Security Number, bank account information and password for the wire transfer. Obviously I won't have time to blog since I'm about to become a multi-millionaire. Maybe I'll see you around town. I'll be the guy lighting cigars with $100 bills. 102 Harley St Central London W1G 9PG, United Kingdom. andrews_andrews_boxid@yahoo.co.uk Hello, I am Mr. Smith Andrew,an Auditor of a London bank.During the course of our auditing, I discovered a floating fund of(£18.5M.)eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds in an account opened in the bank in 2003 and since 2004 nobody has operated on this account. After a lot of investigation I discovered that the owner of the account late Rafik Hariri died without a beneficiary. The money is floating and if I do not remit this money out it will be forfeited for nothing.The owner of the account is a foreigner.He died since February 14, 2005 and the account has no other beneficiary. My investigation proved to me that nobody knows about this account or anything concerning it.So I want to grab this opportunity, as it is no harm to nobody to transfer the money out. I need your assistance as a foreigner because the money cannot be approved to anybody here. The management must approve this payment to you if you have the correct information of this account, which I will give to you,upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this project. With our influence,we can transfer the money to any foreigner’s reliable account,which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival at your end for sharing.At the conclusion of this business, you will be give 40% of the total amount, 55% will be for the bank official and I, while 5% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the course of this transaction.For more information about ate Rafik Hariri please log on to (http://www.hariri.info) Regards. Mr. Smith Andrew.

Announcing the Mark Forsythe New Car Guarantee

You give me the use of a new car and I'll guarantee to write anything you want... I'm being up front about it so that makes it completely ethical. Right?

Funkhouser to citizens: I know better than all of you

The mayor is unrepentant about his free car. This morning on 980 KMBZ when asked about why he's not giving back his car allowance since he's getting a free car, he basically said the money is "part of his income" for him to spend as he pleases. Later on 89.3 KCUR he again refused to back down from his position. Even when slapped at every turn by an ethics professor on the show, he took the attitude of "I'm right and you're just not smart enough to understand." I'm a pretty smart guy myself and I know better than to argue ethics with an ethics professor. I know my criticisms have pretty much ended any chance I had for the TIF Commission appointment I so strongly desired. Not that I ever had a chance in hell anyway. I just feel too strongly about the mayor's bizarre behavior to remain silent. I've never been able to "play the game" and at my age it's probably too late to start. As I was listening to Steve Kraske interview Mayor Funkhouser, I was typing the mayor's answers for interesting quotes. I figured I would use something germane to the car situation or the Parks Board situation. Instead, I heard something much more disturbing. "I'm not interested in managing the image, I'm just interested in doing the job." I'm frustrated to have to say this but "the image" is part of the job. Like it or not, you Mr. Mayor, are the face of Kansas City. Everything you do reflects on all of us as a community. If the mayor takes a free car, regardless of "being transparent about it" then Kansas City has taken a free car. If the mayor is obstinate to a fault, so is Kansas City. You can't just pick and choose the parts of a job you want to do. How long would a quarterback last if refused to throw the ball. "I only like handing off, I'm not interested in throwing." In my inbox I see a press release that says you will hold a press conference at 1 PM regarding the Frances Semler appointment to the Parks Board. Perhaps you are going to admit the err of your ways? If so, I'll edit this post and sing your praises. I'll also assume if Ms. Semler resigns, she will be given the free use of a car from a local dealership...

Parks & Wreck Creation

Mayor Funkhouser told us all that he was going to "shake things up" with his appointments to the Parks Board. Mission accomplished. I'm not as much concerned with whom he appointed, it's how he handled the initial announcement and his complete lack of regard for those segments of the community he has offended. I know it's only been a few weeks but it's time to stop hiding behind the "I'm just a lowly bureaucrat" excuse and start displaying a bit of diplomacy that the job requires. In announcing his appointments the mayor called previous commissioners "the city's wealthiest" and said the reason the parks board is separate is an elitist structure to isolate it from "the regular folks." I don't care if you are the farthest thing from a diplomat there can be. There comes a time when every one of us realizes some things are better left unsaid. What could he possibly hope to gain by picking a fight? Some of the mayor's supporters in the campaign are some of Kansas City's "wealthiest individuals." I'm going to guess they get a pass on any elitist accusations from the 29th floor. It's no secret I am not a fan of Aggie Stackhaus. But at least I knew her appointment or something similar was coming when she joined the inner circle of the Funkhouser campaign. I'd never heard of Frances Semler until yesterday. Frankly I really don't care about her views on immigration. Just like I don't care about Ajamu Webster's views on race, or Tyrone Aiken's views on dance. No, in the end I'm disappointed with the entire process. If there were no background checks performed then shame on the mayor for not doing his due diligence. I thought that's what auditors were known for? If he did do background checks and chose to appoint controversial people as political payback (I know Stackhaus and Semler were campaign operatives) then shame on the mayor for becoming what he said he wasn't. A business as usual, favor peddling politician. Finally, his lack of diplomacy in how he handled the announcement and the repercussions afterward are not the qualities of a leader. Shame on the mayor for his "I know better than you" attitude. The honeymoon's over. There are no more "I'm new at this" excuses. Hopefully, for all of us I hope the mayor learns from his mistakes. That is of course if he even realizes he's made one...

Dragon Boat Racing

Even though "paddling the Chinese Dragon Boat" sounds like a yoga position, that's what I was doing Saturday afternoon on Brush Creek. I was recruited by a friend in the Plaza Rotary Club. We did pretty well, winning our heat handily over the Leawood Rotary Club team. As the defending champions, the Plaza team got a pass to the finals after our first heat. As we were watching the race that would determine who are competition would be, the Plaza Sheraton team capsized their boat! Nobody was hurt but the boat went straight to the bottom of the creek. That pretty much put an end to the day's festivities. I felt bad for the Sheraton team. Had I gone into that water I would probably still be in the shower scrubbing frantically and praying for my life. All in all it was a lot of fun, but not very well attended. There were quite a few Chinese families there to watch but most of them left after the first heat. Unless you were actually in one of the boats it was pretty boring. It's too bad. I think so much could be done to make the Dragon Boat races a big event.