So I'm going to get lasered

I've made the appointment. June 20th is the big day. Silverstein Eye Centers is going to perform lasik surgery on me. I'm going to have both eyes done the same, instead of the weird one eye farsighted one eye nearsighted thing that most people get. I tried that arrangement with contacts and ended up wanted to run around in circles. Not to mention the headaches. So both eyes will be just like they are right now when I'm wearing contacts. Only one problem. At 41 years of age I've reached the stage that apparently most people get. The inability of my eyes to refocus on things close up. Yep. It's bifocal time. Up until now I've compensated. When I'm wearing my fashionably skinny glasses I just look under the lenses to read, or over the lenses to see someone's face clearly. When I'm wearing my contacts I usually have Nicole with me to do things like tell me the amount of the restaurant check or what the fine print on the menu says. After next Friday, looking out from under my glasses will no longer be an option. It's time for the dreaded reading glasses. Yep. I'm about to become "that guy." Do I get the ones that can be carried in a discrete pocket case, or do I just break down and wear them on a string around my neck? Or... Maybe I'll get a monocle! Then I can walk around shaking my fist and saying "Hoogaaaaannnn!" in my best Colonel Klink voice.

I'm just plain mad

I'm too mad to write anything on thekansascitypost.com. I try to keep the level of discussion fairly high over there. Here? Not so much. My Town, My Take is more like my scratch pad with which all two readers (myself being one of them) can keep track of my mental detritus. By now, anybody with an internet connection has at least read some of the lawsuit filed against Mark Funkhouser and Gloria Squitiro. I know in law, as in life the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. Perhaps not every claim in Plaintiff Ruth Bates' pleading is accurate, but I doubt the entire document is a complete fabrication either. The document does read like the complaints of a disgruntled employee and I'm reasonably sure that had Ms. Bates compensation been on par with the rest of the staff she would still be overlooking off-color remarks and the general lack of class displayed by our city's most prominent volunteer. I do however tend to believe the general theme of the document. One need only look at samples of Ms. Squitiro's writing to see her sense of humor is somewhat "earthy." Between holiday letters describing the mayor's prostate exam and innuendo about their sex life, to weekly missives blaming every mayoral misstep on bloggers or the media, it's easy to see a pattern of inappropriate behavior for a public figure. Another clue about the veracity of Ms. Bates' complaint is the attorney representing her and the manner in which the complaint was filed. Instead of holding a press conference, standing on the courthouse steps with a teary-eyed client exclaiming outrage and righteous indignation, Lynn Bratcher chose to file the documents over the lunch hour and slip quietly back to her office. Quiet confidence perhaps? A quick Google search reveals Ms. Bratcher is no rookie when it comes to employee discrimination cases so I think it's safe to assume she thinks she has a winner. So why am I mad? I'm sick of Kansas City being the punch line to every joke. The only national attention we get these days is from inappropriate holiday letters and now no doubt a sensational lawsuit that makes our Mayor's office sound more like a fraternity house about to lose its charter than a center of governmental excellence. Oh, and by the way. The answer to last week's trivia question? "The Little Twinkler."